Barbie Turns 50!

I was excited to read today that Barbie is turning 50. Over the course of the year, Barbie's birthday will be celebrated through a host of "pink carpet" events that aim to get the doll back on track as an aspirational fashion brand with cultural relevance, said Richard Dickson, gm and svp, Barbie. Brands such as Bloomingdale's, colette, Stila, Dylan's Candy Bar, Jonathan Adler and 50 fashion designers are just some of those that will be participating in Barbie's 50th birthday celebration.

As a child, my sisters and I would get a Barbie every Christmas. Each of us always had one favorite Barbie so that new dolls would get stripped of their valuable clothing. They would then be practiced upon for new hair cut ideas, which never panned out well. One day I happened to be looking for something in my father's basement and opened a drawer that revealed at least a dozen and a half naked Barbies with crew cuts. It was very disturbing...

Growing up my sisters and I would have Barbie marathon weekends, beginning Saturday morning and ending Sunday night when were sent to bed. As a result of our over exposure to the media at an early age, my Barbie and Ken had unusual problems. Barbie got pregnant out of wed lock and was unsure what to do. Ken feigned support, but was secretly hoping Barbie decided to get an abortion because he was not ready to be a father.

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Je-rry! Je-rry! Je-rry! ... and Maury

I've been parked in front of the TV all morning. First I watched Maury and now I'm watching Jerry Springer. There used to be a time when watching such shows made me feel extremely uneasy. I must have been a different person back then because now I simply revel in them.

Wondering how long the Jerry Springer show has been running, I was interested to find out that the program debuted on September 30th, 1991. Even more fascinating, Springer was born in the East Finchley tube station in London. His parents, Margo (a bank clerk) and Richard Springer (owner of a shoe shop), were Jewish refugees from Nazi Germany.

I am amazed how the people that end up on the show are constantly surprised to find out that they're there to find out that a significant other has been cheating on them. If the premise of the show hasn't changed much in the last 18 years (but for the addition of a stripper pole and the chanting of U.S.A.), then what could they possibly be thinking they are there for? Dancing with the Stars?

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Everything You've Ever Wanted to Know About My Sexual Preference, (But Were Not Allowed to Ask)

This week I read that Obama plans to do away with the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" decades-old ban on open homosexuals in the ranks . Personally, I don't know why anyone would want to be open about that in the military.

Immediately I had images of gay sailors (gailors?) tossing up their hats in Mary Tyler Moore fashion and cheering, "I'm gay!" only to be instantly rained upon with blows from their meat-headed homophobic comrades.

I guess the point is that gays don't want to have to feel embarrassed about their sexual preference; which is understandable. But seriously how do you think a straight man is going to feel showering naked with an openly gay man right next to him, checking out his junk and what not.. thinking about all the dirty things he wants to do... right now...

I know a lot of homophobes that would rather die; or at least kill the queer ogling him...

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Pandora vs. iTunes & Prostitutes Find New Street Work

Thanks to all the readers who suggested I try Pandora instead of iTunes. I actually already had a Pandora account, but abandoned it for some reason. I was reminded when I went back to it and just found that it kept coming up with songs and artists I didn't like and prevented me from skipping them. I'm back on iTunes again, FYI, and recommend Carstairs Kitchen Radio under Jazz.

Daily Nooz: Ad Agency Hires Prostitutes for Talk-Radio Stunt
This article talked about a stunt which was part of a controversial ad campaign created by the Zig ad agency for CFRB 1010; it is their latest ploy to get people talking about issues in Toronto.

Basically they paid hookers the regular customer rate to hold up signs asking if prostitution should be legal. I thought the idea was pretty creative but had some questions as to the logistics.

Where did they find the prostitutes and how did they approach them with the idea? Were they found in broad daylight somehow? Or did members of the marketing agency risk arrest when pulling up next to the prostitutes in the middle of the night to discuss arrangements:

Policeman:
Sir, your ID please.

Zig Marketing Grunt:
But I was just trying to get them to help out with a marketing stunt.

Policeman:
A likely story, Sir...but why would anyone intentionally generate those leads?

Maybe Zig just answered a bunch of massage therapist ads on craigslist. Anyway how did they ensure the prostitutes wouldn't take money and run home to (pimp) daddy?

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Neologasms Galore

CaloRemorse - n., the inevitable regret of having eaten something calorically catastrophic, i.e McDonald's, Cinnabon

Creating this amazing new word resulted in what urban dictionary would refer to as a neologasm: the pleasurable feeling from having coined a new word. Combination of neologism and orgasm.

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New Year's Revolution and The FThrax

So one of my new year's resolutions is to revolt against the Season Affective Disorder with which I've been self diagnosed. Every winter I have the urge to stage my own death and move to Spain. I've never even been to Spain, so I'm not entirely sure why I've decided I'd be happier there. It's not like they don't have winter.

One particular concerning side effect is my craving for sweets and starches. I've been sucking down sugar like it's going out of style, which, of course, it never will. Would love to hear if anyone has any experiences with SAD and how they have remedied the situation (or not). Some have suggested light therapy, but I'm going to go with alcohol.

As a complete nonsequitur, when I get good and pissed at someone, I dream of sending them the Fake Thrax, powdered sugar in an unmarked enveloped. Now I'm not saying that I would ever do that, I'm just saying that I dream of it.

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Hot Ghetto Mess Dept, How Can We Harass You?

So my DirectTV appointment was a complete bust. First of all, the guy was the definition of unprofessional. He kept asking me questions like was I married, did I have kids, what did I do for a living. He made a racial comment about having thought I was going to be a gringa before he met me. Now I'm at least half white but the term gringa is not at all flattering in my opinion. I asked him if he was in the habit of offering racial commentary to all his customers.

He was thoroughly confused but could see that he had offended me. He apologized and noted that he just wanted to be friends. What I wanted to say was that he's not my friend, he's there to hook up my DirectTV and that he should get on it and get the fuck out. I held my tongue as I've been trying to do of late, for what reason I'm not altogether certain.

He was there from 3:00 to 7:15 and was not successful at properly installing the satellite connection. He offered to come back on Monday, but at that point I just needed him out of my house and I told him I'd work out another appointment with DirectTV. I've since called to ensure that he would not be returning to my house. He might get fired, but, he kind of deserves it.

By the way, in the middle of his nonsense, he interrupted a phone conversation I was having to point out the fact that he was getting a ticket. He then excused himself for about ten to fifteen minutes to argue with the cop issuing the parking ticket.

Now I get to waste another weekend afternoon waiting for them to try again. Some good purchase this new flat screen TV was. I ought to have waited since it seems Circuit City will have to liquidate all of its inventory. This is not surprising to me at all since my one experience shopping there compelled me to write a letter to their corporate office suggesting that they change the name of their customer service department, which looks similar to the picture shown here, to harassment by hot ghetto messes.

In other news, the inauguration speech was kind of amazing, even if just because of the sheer numbers of people that turned out to watch. As much of a cynic as I am, I was slightly inspired that we may actually see some positive change.

I was also excited by the Obamicon.me and had to create my own poster - POZ VIZ - or positive visualisation. Send me yours!

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The Day of Days

I've been waiting for this day for so long. Today is the day I get DirectTV installed. In the last 2 and a half years, I had cable but for a few months. I canceled it once it was apparent that I was turning into a right reality TV extra-whordinare. I couldn't stop watching Rock of Love on the off chance they revealed that Brett Michaels was, in fact, wearing a wig.

I mean come on, he's always wearing a hat or a bandanna, as shown here. Not to mention the fact that he's no spring chicken. Nevertheless, I do think he's really likeable on the show, even if he surrounds himself with the trashiest sluts available. God, they're amazing.

Other reality shows I enjoy include Wife Swap (or Trading Spouses), and Kitchen Nightmares. Gordon Ramsey is kind of like a hot English male Judge Judy. Me luvs. It's like reading trashy celebrity mags; a guilty pleasure.

Follow the Follower

At first I kind of had a problem admitting it. I think I'm past the that stage now and can honestly own that I've somehow developed a serious addiction to Twitter. I can't stop reading tweets, articles pertaining to the medium and theories on how it will evolve.

Most people are trying to promote some kind of product or service. Some want to be considered thought leaders in the space or drive traffic to a blog or website. Regardless, the idea is to get more followers than you are following .

I've also read a lot about different strategies in order to get more users following you than you are following . One way is to request to follow others in order to have them request to follow you out of courtesy. Then after a while you stop following some of those people so that the number of users following you is still higher but the number you are following decreases.

Another article mentioned that one may view Twitter as a kind of cocktail party and behave accordingly. When arriving at a party, you might start talking to people and introduce yourself. The way to do this on Twitter is by sending a direct message to whomever you requested to follow in order to initiate conversation and networking.

Yesterday I received a request to be followed and reciprocated in turn. Then to no surprise, I received a direct message from the individual shortly after thanking me for the return follow. I happened to be in the middle of a number of things and was not available to return the direct message right away. By the time I attempted to reply to his direct message, he had already removed himself from following me.

The funniest part about the whole thing is that the idea of Twitter was to post what you are doing. I would have to say that about 97% of the updates submitted have nothing to do with what that user is doing.

Spider Man vs. Obama

Watching the news last night, there was a segment about the new issue of Spider Man featuring 'Bamsies. Way to fly off the inaugural coattails, Marvel!

The view of Midtown Comics recalled memories of Disney World as the line wrapped out the door and down the block and people waited in the cold for a copy of the issue when it went on sale yesterday.

I was avidly envisioning Spider Man taking on Obama and was in utter suspense as to who the victor might be. Obama has the commanding presence and booming voice, but how would that go up against a Spidy web, I pondered...

Then I received further information that Obama actually justs makes a cameo in the comic and is not donned in super villain attire, to my disappointment.

Despite the obvious let down, people can sign up for a special second printing by Marvel Comics of the Spider-Man Obama issue.

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Are You Worth More Than a Burger?

This week Burger King started a new campaign called the Whopper Sacrifice campaign. Basically you'd get a free whopper any time you "sacrificed" 10 of your Facebook friends.

I thought it was hysterical and noted on one Linked In Group chat that the sacrificial lambs should receive a message accordingly.

Apparently BK had the same idea! The campaign was suspended later on today. Visitors were informed that “Facebook has disabled Whopper Sacrifice after your love of The Whopper sandwich proved to be stronger than 232,654 friendships.”

Facebook responded by saying the application is merely being tweaked for privacy reasons. Officials at the social network didn't like that it alerted people who had been "un-friended" as part of the application.

Feeling Overwhelmed By Social Media

I've spent the last couple of weeks being completely consumed by Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In and the rest of the time blogging.

I'm not the only one feeling the brain drain from such tools as Twitter. Others are discussing the need to step away and smell the eRoses, like in this article, "How Much Twitter is Too Much".

Now, I understand how all of these social media outlets work together in combination to drive web traffic, but I'm just now starting to wonder what the central theme should be on my blog, since for the most part it's been pretty narrative and conceptual - that was my goal anyway.

I've covered everything from Politics to Music to Life, and now ... Social Media. I've tried to stir up some controversy, to entertain, to inform... what has worked and what has not?

Has anything stuck out as particularly interesting, out of the ordinary, entertaining or unique?

Lemme know...

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The Inauspicious Inauguration (Says I)

Don't get me wrong - I completely understand that having a black president is a US first and history has just been written... blah, blah, blah. Personally, I would have been a lot more impressed if Obama was a descendant of slaves; now that would have been a lot more worth considering.

I just don't think there's going to be as much change around here as everybody seems to think there will be. I mean what could possibly change so drastically in such a short time?

Even just the fact that everyone expects so much, I don't see how this poor schmuck (however hot and articulate) could succeed in anything but disappointing the majority of the American public.

I saw some chicken-head ranting about how now she wouldn't have to pay her mortgage or car loan.

Seriously WTF?

Would love to get your feedback - what's the word on the street?

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Reach Out and Touch .... Me

T minus 9 days until I'm left to my lonesome.

Desperately trying to fill my social calendar with events and activities so as to keep myself entertained.

If you're interested in getting in the on the action, drop me a line, send me a comment, throw a brick through my window and scream "Die, Bitch." ... Where's the love?!?

Starting to feel a little bit like Happy Harry Hard-on... Eat Me, Beat Me Lady? Are you out there? Hello?

Holler back if you love me!

$@bs!

I've Been Playing With Myself (Name That Tune)

I am so addicted to streaming radio on iTunes.

I'm particularly hooked on music of the 50s through 70s.

Last month I couldn't stop listening to Jazz of the 30s and 40s (thank you, Edith Piaf).

I've been keeping a running log of all the songs I don't know and the artists who wrote them.

Now I've started a master game of name that tune against myself and boy am I winning (fine, and losing).

Most people are pretty surprised to find out that I'm also a huge Dead Head; and once they find this out, even more shocked that I HATE Phish.

If you know of a good station on iTunes Radio, let a bitch know!

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You See, You See? I Told You So!

So I finally gave in and joined facebook. The first half hour was interesting, as the automated system generated a bunch of people I actually knew: some I added as friends, others I did not.

In the extremely short time I've been on, it's already started creating problems. Was chatting with someone I haven't spoken to in every bit of, oh, say 10 years at least. Boy, was he ever still a cocky prick - DELETE. This reminded me instantly of why we stopped speaking to begin with.

I won't even get into other issues, but I will give an example of why I'm very wary. When I was still on Myspace, I reprioritized my top friends and inadvertently deleted one. Next thing I knew she was all kinds of pissed at me for taking her off of my top friends; I didn't even realize I had!

Now let's say, just for the sake of argument (hypothetically speaking, of course), that your boyfriend didn't have himself listed as 'in a relationship'. What would that mean to you? And the drama continues...

If not for my obsession with social media at present, I would have deleted my account tout motherfucking suite. And another thing, Vonnegut...

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The Votes Are In!!!

After an overwhelming response (fine, 6 votes), the results are in and it looks as though I'll be creating a facebook account (the agony of defeat)!

There was only one vote of 'no' and it was mine - drats, foiled again!

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Winter of My Gastrointestinal Discontent

Right now I'm making English Muffin pizzas, which I have not had in some time and which I also extremely enjoy. Now that's comfort food.

Lately I cannot eat enough carbs or dairy; I've exceeded my own expectations in terms of how to concoct this ultimate combination.

I also made chicken parm with angel hair and ate it with warm Italian bread for lunch yesterday and dinner the night before.

I just can't bring myself to eat anything cold in the winter and even when I can get a vegetable down my hatch it's usually a mashed potato smothered in butter and cheddar cheese; another of my earthly delights.

As a non sequitur, I've been thinking of breaking down and getting on facebook.

But seriously, what is the point? All of the people I want to keep in my life I make an effort to stay in contact with.

Do I really need all the ex-ghosts of boyfriends past sending me friend requests?

It's kind of why I got off of myspace; even though I still have an account under a pseudonym for myspying purposes.

I also ended up finding out way too much personal 411 about someone and got concerned about what people might be able to find out about about me; like that I used to show the boys how to make a Certs spark in the dark when I worked at the local drug store.

What do you think? Should I cave?

Let me know by voting in the new poll on the top right.

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Back to the (Bump &) Grind

SO happy the holidays are oves at last!!!

Though it did mean I would have to show up for work - I spent the entire two weeks of my vacation dreading it.

Nevertheless, I'm also doubly glad that 2008 is no more - lots of hope for the new year.

My new year's eve was reminiscent of Y2K; a lot of hype over a very anticlimactic event.

Was taking a look at my goals from last year - my progress has been pretty pathetic, I must say.

How many of you make new year's resolutions? How many of those are accomplished?
Would love to hear more...

In other news, I've been thinking about a new term I've coined: sunsetting a legacy relationshit; sometimes you just don't really have anything in common with someone you've known for a long time.

You can only play phony bologna for so long... why do we insist on keeping people in our life that make us feel bad; or at the very least don't make us feel good?

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